It may shock you to learn that you live inside a bubble. It’s invisible – you can’t see it – but trust me, it is there. I know that, because I live in one too. Everyone does.
You weren’t born with your bubble, but you started to make it pretty soon afterwards. In fact, as soon as you started interacting with the world, and with the people in it, you got to work on making your bubble. The way you made it was by experiencing things – mostly variations on pleasure or pain, good or bad. Each new experience helped to shape your bubble, and created the invisible forces that hold it in place. Some of those forces push out, some push in. And that creates a kind of balance or equilibrium that is what you consider to be your ‘normal.’ Your normal is probably very different to my normal, and if we swapped bubbles we’d blow each other’s minds! So, let’s stick to our own bubbles for now, ok?
“You can’t see it, and yet it is one of the most powerful parts of you.”
Your Normal
Even though you live in your bubble all the time, and it defines your normal, you probably don’t know much about it. You can’t see it, and yet it is one of the most powerful parts of you. The way you see the world as you look out is filtered and distorted by your bubble. The way information comes in is also filtered and distorted in the same way: Some things will pass through your bubble, but as they do they’ll get bent out of shape just like they always do, and you’ll experience them as normal that way. Other things will just bounce off your bubble and you won’t even be aware of them.
If you’re starting to wonder if your bubble might be a bad thing, it doesn’t mean to be. Mostly it’s there to help you – it protects you from the things that it thinks could hurt you, and it helps you to find and enjoy the things you like doing. It is where your expectations come from – and those are what help you to understand yourself, others and the world around you. Being able to predict things gives you a sense of certainty and security, and we all need that. Other than presents, we don’t really like surprises, and being more certain about what’s going to happen reduces our stress, fear and anxiety. Way to go, bubble!
“What happened in the past to create our bubble, shape our view of the world, set our expectations and predict the future might not be very helpful to us as we grow up and become adults.”
Growing Up
When we’re young, everything we experience seems huge and powerful, and it all leaves a lasting impression on our bubble. Gradually, over time our bubble takes shape and starts to work its magic, and things don’t seem so powerful anymore. At some point, our bubble is pretty much set (although not ‘in stone’ – if it was, it would be much harder to carry around all the time…although, at least we would be able to see it then…), and we settle down into our version of normal inside our little bubble.
Where things can start to go a bit wrong is this: What happened in the past to create our bubble, shape our view of the world, set our expectations and predict the future might not be very helpful to us as we grow up and become adults. Our life has changed, the world has changed, but our bubble hasn’t. Our bubble will always try to fit things to our normal, even when they’re different to what we’ve experienced before, and sometimes that means it has to distort or filter them really rather a lot, or imagine the parts that are missing – sometimes it will just make stuff up if an experience doesn’t fit our normal.
Because we can’t see our bubble, we can’t see which parts of it are really distorting things a bit too much. It all just seems normal to us, even though other people might see it very differently from within their bubbles. That’s why we should never try to swap bubbles, because your version of reality is very different to mine. But, sometimes having someone share how they see the world from their bubble can help you to see that there might be a different perspective worth considering. At least it can help to remind you that your normal – your beliefs and expectations about the world – aren’t facts. They’re just your own distortions.
“You can’t see your bubble, but you can feel it, especially when it bumps into new experiences that it can’t handle very well.”
Feeling
You can’t see your bubble, but you can feel it, especially when it bumps into new experiences that it can’t handle very well. Like when something is trying to force its way through that your bubble doesn’t usually let in, or when you’re trying to do something that your bubble doesn’t like. Then you can feel it as a kind of anxiety, fear or even disgust. Or when your bubble gets caught on something or tangled up and won’t let go – and you get stuck, which can make you feel angry or frustrated. Sometimes it will take something quite small and distort it so that it feels huge and overwhelming, which can make you feel sad. But the good news is that if everything is just right as far as your bubble is concerned, then you can experience joy and happiness – even when those things might not bring joy or happiness to someone else. Because the crazy thing about bubbles is that what might bring joy to you might bring fear, anxiety or sadness to me.
“About 95% of our choices and decisions are influenced by our bubble. It doesn’t leave much to chance.”
Choices
We make most of our choices based on the view of reality that our bubble gives us. That’s why it’s such a powerful thing. In fact, it’s helping to make choices all the time (even right now – it might be telling you to stop reading this because it doesn’t like when someone talks about it!), and often we’re not even aware of those choices, or even that there is a choice at all. About 95% of our choices and decisions are influenced by our bubble. It doesn’t leave much to chance.
We shared a great tool in a previous post to help you become more aware of the choices you have in most situations (especially the ones where you don’t think there is a choice).
“If you took a moment to listen to what your bubble was saying, you’d hardly believe it.”
Self-Perception
Your bubble will also distort how you see yourself. When you’re inside it, it acts like a mirror in one of those “Hall of Mirrors” places where you get all stretched and funny looking. So you never see yourself the way other people see you, or the way you really are. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but usually it isn’t.
And it talks to you too. It tells you what you can and can’t do, and tells you how other people would see you if you did certain things (even though it really has no idea how they see you because they have their own bubbles that are nothing like yours).
If you took a moment to listen to what your bubble was saying, you’d hardly believe it. You have to concentrate a bit, but trust me it’s there right now talking to you. Even if it sounds nice, familiar and reassuring to you – because it’s always been there – listen to what it’s actually saying. I bet some of what it says is hurtful and unkind. It’ll tell you that it’s just looking out for you – keeping you safe inside your normal. But you’d never talk to a friend or family member, someone you love, the way that your bubble is talking to you, would you?
“The most important thing to remember is that your bubble isn’t you. In many ways, its job is to stop you trying to become the very best version of yourself, because that would be risky.”
Always There
After reading this, you might start to think that life would be easier without your bubble, but I’m afraid you’re stuck with it. However, as you start to focus on it, to feel it more as you push yourself to explore what lies beyond your normal – like feeling for the walls and furniture in a dark room – you will get better at seeing how it is distorting your view of yourself and the world. Rather than fight it, you can learn to use it as a helpful way to know when something interesting is happening, almost like an early warning system – allowing you to prepare better for what’s to come. If your bubble doesn’t like it, then it might be something new and could even be quite exciting. You need to be careful though, because bubbles can be quite clever at adapting the way they talk to you to try to keep you in your normal, but if you keep at it, you’ll be amazed at what starts to happen. You’ll start to feel more alive, and a lot less scared, angry, frustrated or sad.
The most important thing to remember is that your bubble isn’t you. In many ways, its job is to stop you trying to become the very best version of yourself, because that would be risky, and definitely not ‘normal.’ It’ll tell you what what you should do, or what you can’t do, but not so much what you could do. It will get in the way of reaching your biggest dreams if you let it, but you – the real you – can stop it. I know you can. And the real you is what the world needs most of all.
What now?
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