Anyone familiar with the classic movie Glengarry Glen Ross will remember that iconic scene in which Alec Baldwin’s character, amongst a torrent of verbal abuse, relays the A.B.C of Sales to a hapless group of real-estate agents: “Always Be Closing” he yells, before informing them that there’s also a competition to motivate them in their sales endeavors: “…first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired!” Way to inspire, Alec.
“Along with selling, there’s another intrinsically human trait that forms the basis of our A.B.C”
While we’ve all met salespeople that still believe that movie is cut straight from the Effective Sales 101 training manual, fortunately these days most professionals seem to subscribe to the more empathy-based approach advocated by Dan Pink in his book “To Sell Is Human.” Pink informs us that while 1 in 9 actually have a traditional sales role, pretty much everyone spends about 40% of their working life doing some form of selling. Whether you’re pitching a new idea to your boss, gaining mindshare in a new process, or trying to sell real estate to newlyweds like Alec and his friends, we’re all in sales, because sales is about moving people.
Along with selling, there’s another intrinsically human trait that forms the basis of our A.B.C: Curiosity.
“Questions are a great expression of the curious mind”
Always Be… Curious
Curiosity, defined as “a strong desire to know or learn something” is a skill we’re all born with in abundance, and it fuels our cognitive development as children. Questions are a great expression of the curious mind, and that’s the reason a three-year-old will ask their primary carer as many as 300 questions per day according to this study. Despite its remarkable power however, over time, our curiosity-muscle can atrophy significantly, and by the time we reach adulthood our question-per-day count has dropped to the low double digits at best.
There are many possible reasons for this decline, but perhaps the most pervasive are: (1) the ever-increasing pressure to have all the answers; and, its ugly cousin: (2) fear of failure.
“We are encouraged to become managers, mentors and teachers so we can share our answers, wrapped up as pearls of wisdom to be passed down to the next generation.”
“Bring me solutions, not problems”
As we get older, we become conditioned around the idea that answers are more valuable than questions. It starts in school where we’re taught that there is one right answer and all you need to do is remember it long enough to regurgitate it on the test. As we progress into our working life and in our careers, we are increasingly looked at to be the ‘expert’ – the one with the all the answers. We are discouraged from asking the difficult and challenging questions that threaten the status quo (usually by those that are most invested in it, such as those that have also built an empire on it). We are encouraged to become managers, mentors and teachers so we can share our answers, wrapped up as pearls of wisdom to be passed down to the next generation. And so the cycle continues.
“Failure is learning. Those that can accept that and still do it anyway are the ones that get to change the world.”
“Curiosity Killed the Cat”
The second threat to the beautiful question is a fear of failure. Failure is another very natural part of the early learning process: You cannot learn to walk if you fear falling down. Yet over time we come to see failure as a bad thing – something to be avoided at all costs. To reveal a lack of knowledge or understanding by asking a question is increasingly seen as a form of failure as we progress in our careers. Experts don’t ask questions, they give answers, remember?
Phrases like “Curiosity Killed the Cat” are handed down through the generations (many generations indeed, with origins back to the 16thcentury!) as a way to indoctrinate us to the idea that to be curious is a dangerous thing, so – don’t go asking questions about stuff you shouldn’t know. And the thing is, being curious does have risks. Being willing to explore the unknown means that you will sometimes fail. It means accepting and revealing that you don’t have the answers. It’s means you’re willing to challenge conventions, push boundaries, and fall down in the process. That requires a willingness to be vulnerable, but also a belief that when you fall (for you will fall), you have the strength and resources required to pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and carry on. Failure is learning. Those that can accept that and still do it anyway are the ones that get to change the world. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also led to the invention of the lightbulb, space travel, and the iPhone along the way.
“How can this expression of childish naivety lead to the invention of the lightbulb, or transformation in a client’s life?”
What does this have to do with Coaching?
Many first-time clients come to coaching with an expectation that they will share their problems with their coach and will receive well-worn solutions in return. Understandably so – whether they’ve asked their manager for help or their best friend for advice, they’ve gotten pretty used to always being told what to do as a result. So much so, in fact, that they begin to forget that they are naturally creative, resourceful and whole – perfectly capable of coming up with the best solutions to their own problem. They have lost sight of their own innate curiosity and willingness to learn through trial and error.
It can take some adjustment then, when they realise that at its core coaching is about asking questions, not giving solutions (in fact, the International Coaching Federation calls out “Powerful Questioning” as a core competency, but does not mention “Solution Giving” at all). Even by the end of a coaching relationship some clients will declare: “I don’t get it. All you seemed to do was ask me questions and yet I’ve made all this progress. What gives?”
What gives? The humble question? Something a three-year old has mastery over? How can this expression of childish naivety lead to the invention of the lightbulb, or transformation in a client’s life?
As you’ve probably figured out by now, it all ties back to curiosity. Questions are an expression of curiosity, but they’re also a way to re-ignite curiosity (both in yourself and others). Just as forcing yourself to smile can make you happy, so asking questions can make you curious. In turn, curiosity is the engine of discovery and learning. Being curious is a way to focus your energy and attention in a new direction, whether inwardly on your own experience, or outwardly to a world just beyond the horizon. And change follows focus. Bingo!
Going Viral
Because coaching is all about change, curiosity is recognised as an essential coaching skill. In fact the world’s largest coach training provider Co-active Training Institute identifies it as one of the 5 essential skills, along with Listening, Intuition, Self-Management and Forwarding the Action / Deepening the Learning. Coaches must bring curiosity to every coaching relationship and every coaching moment, and as they demonstrate their curiosity through asking powerful questions (and delighting in being surprised by the answers), clients get to explore, discover, challenge and learn about themselves and their lives. They also begin to re-connect with their own curiosity, and that’s where the transformation really starts to take off.
That’s the wonderful thing about curiosity: it’s infectious. Whether it’s a parent seeing the world anew through the eyes of their child, an organization inspired to innovate by a relentlessly curious leader, or a client willing to explore their potential in partnership with a coach that is endlessly fascinated by their journey of self-discovery, curiosity can’t help but go viral. And when it does, extraordinary things will happen.
A. B. C. That’s all it takes. So simple, even a three-year-old can remember it.
What now?
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